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Guy's 1709-Word Scandalously Racy Palindrome

Written by a certain shameless C. Guy La Fortune

Copyright © 2011 by C. Guy La Fortune.  All rights reserved.

Here is something you might find amusing, provided you don't think it putrid and quickly surf elsewhere on the Web, never to return!  Unintentionally written for a[n] [im]mature audience, it is letter-for-letter palindromic, reading precisely the same backward as forward.  I tried to make it funny despite it being oddly disjointed.  So, here it goes:  (To get the latest version, make sure you use Ctrl-F5 to refresh your browser cache directly from the server!)

Dwell lazily at spots won in raw iris abandon. Draw no nets.

A hot dog may age by bursting. Oh--dogs, aware of a live, natural, intense odor, engorge on a cat ego.

Epic eras abuse Midas' "gift," Alfred. No peridot to sirs do gnus deliver. No, Enid, gold is nil.

Ram foe or foster a backside. Doctor a tapir.

Live! No, I tan. I videotape; Elsa sees all, Edna, Spandex at all edits! Olympus, sapid I am!

Pa, Ernie, grab a brew; snare it: fine tan gam! A god is THC. A Yen info era was live; Evita, retire it. Sandra, we ridicule no labor. I alone sin. A rat's reviled; I am too. Lie, Ed.

See, Bev loves tennis. Eva, Elsa have warts! Sad or not, sip a martini. Rats in ruts edit a video, Freda, Elsa.

Nemo, we rise, dine. Venison, Tim, mocks a burger. Go slap a slab on a fire, volatile, hot. Toward noon, taste! We have!

Del, I give it a go. Lame, Edna, we lag as Deb wets a rag, uses a blade, frets. Elsa, whose "sag" has a pro done? Dale's?

In a fire, it's an AWOL lasagna! Camp is sublime. Part a sin, is Fido offal?

O, Tess, I part a trap! Ed, I'd one woe more generic: tell a slob my sore zero legacy, men, a snide rosebud. Nihil is not a stencil or fossil. Leave now, Eve. Do not doom; save sex in Laos.

"Emus," said Al Gore, "need erasure! Vile dodos! Panda bane, design in raw natron, I made us silos, ore--arid and loco! Stop DNA? No, Erfoud!" Live seed, spat on Ernie's runaway roll or bun, signals nil. I hinder a ward.

Emote, pop an Ephedra wad. Alas, a nut--a now otiose nut--tastes putrid! Well, Liberace wiled me. Tie no animal, Debra. Beware macaroni gone noon burro tart! I, braille ballot in a fondue feed, Aidan, dine, partake, rue dots(!), sip.

Am I too hot to hoot? I'm an unsure vessel. First, is God agnostic at all, a siren trap, a silly didactic ill? I nab mud, maiden nuts. Sue mimes a clan my hymn. (It is torrid and I rule liver worms.) Agronomic, I nap in a bin...embedded if nocturnal.

I'm so symbolic a muse, Nola! Ogres are ogres, Selma. I, Tony; as I live on hair a pond eel bites, I sniff umbrage--but still a gut I rob. Alyssa got evil: a son, a clover emetic! Xena, mow a nacre veneer field. Arcade wires alter ruts.

I held dirt; now I dine! Gag! I'd render every menu terse. Do I degauss a yam? No, I tar okra. Don, emir--Caesar--enamel banana caps! Nail a tie to me, radio valet. Oh--at Nero's bar, garbage breeds a pope nil, nosey Ella.

Arise, gridder; cast a net. Silos are positioned on a sin: Idaho.

Sal, a seidel bided. Alas, a burg tugs: I bombard war-mad enemy arts, for I, ape, reign at rats' dismay. An acrid and assailable urge is murder. Plug, sob; oh!

Piss upon a brutal foe! So, hero, will I tune my metal laser? It was in! Is Salem an ellipse? Lo, Ma!

Caught or free, bar again a bad liaison, Ezra, Gus. Tense, we draw no red. Now, a "peeking" is a sin, Alan. I know slang is drab, so I hone my Latin. I rob, allay old ire.

Wait! I limp, sir. Can I sprawl labored on an anodyne dignitary? More hay? Not I. Gum a god, as sap evolve. Emoting is semimetallic. Nepal, libel a snow entity. Metal luge so old, I bar a demo.

Odd as Eve is, emir, Pa's nag email, a tin egg (I boast, sir) odder be, Weesie! Rats, Ewan, anabolic, abate new hope, Elsa, Ma, Erdos. Puffins I pin, tack: commode robots must I dam. Ev, a dog I race. Capybara has (eh, tot?) a video! Boys, tug tubs.

Sarcastic, I lose hair as I hem a tie. Madame, do bards, seldom aerobic, ire my lopsided, noble gym? Every task ropes a basalt as I sun on a senile, female, tardy, hot sire wolf's tired robe. Rot! To bore roses, net a tundra hag, nostril fallen, evil. Dogs' sarcasm, idly rebred, limps, agile. Emit stark capons to bore vigor. I act. I golf.

Feeble gnats--elongated until rats erupt--I burst, I rip: snacks, all! I partly rebel, a part lunatic at peeking. I, lame, wave. Keep sloops secret.

See us sin on extra pistol ipecac. I bore. An ax is no sleepy, calm lab! Men even appall a sabred, insane metal Bosnia/Peru tussle era. Gall, irk, and stun, laser cadet, a noted smirk corps! Away!

A paper ark, radar evocative, tips Boston: "Odd as Maine trams, I collate my menu till I wheeze." Part sees all. Ella, stable, bats gnats, apt ego, total pro.

Don I a modem, eh, Prom as tense, major panic? A.I., notes Rev. Al, lacks a Turing I sum egoless, a passe log. Emu, sign! I rut, ask, call. Averse to niacin, a pro, James, nets a morpheme domain OD.

Or, Plato: to get past angst, Abel bats all. Ella sees trapeze, eh? Will I tune my metal loci? Smarten!

I am sad. Do not sob; spit! Evita, cover a dark, rare papaya wasp. Rock rims detonated acres, Al. Nuts, DNA, krill, agar, eels, suture pains, oblate men--a snider basal lap pan, even--embalm lacy peels on six anaerobic ace pilots. I, part xenon, issue ester cesspools.

Peek! Eva, we malign. I keep tacit an ultra-pale beryl trap. I'll ask, "Can spirits rub it: pure starlit nude tag?" No, lest angel beef flog it, Cairo! Give robots no pack rat's time. Eli, gasp!: milder beryl dims a crass god! Live, Nell, a flirt song, a hard nut, a tense, sore robot! To reborder its flower is to hydrate lame felines: an onus. Is Atlas a base pork satyr, Eve? My gel, bonded, is polymeric. (I bore a mod, less drab ode.)

Madame, I tame his aria. He solicits a crass but gutsy oboe diva. To the Sahara by pace car I go, Dave. Mad! It sums to boredom: "mock catnip" I sniff up. So dream, asleep! Oh--we net abaci.

Lo, banana, we stare, I see! We bred, Doris Tsao, big genitalia. Megan's a prime sieve. Sad, doomed, a rabid, loose gull ate my tit! New on sale, bill a pencil late. Mimes, sign "I" to me. Ev, love, pass a dog a mug.

I, Tony--a hero? My rating I deny. Don an anode, Rob. All warps in a crisp militia. We rid loyal labor in Italy, men. Ohio's bard signals won kin: Alan is a sign I keep a wonder. Onward, ewes! Net sugar...Zeno's! I ail.

Dab a Niagara beer froth, guacamole spill. Enamel as sin, I saw tires; all ate my menu till I wore hose. O flat urban opus, sip!

Hobos gulp red rums, i.e. gruel, Bali as sad nadir. Can a yam, Sid. Start, Angie, repair of stray men. Edam (raw), drab mob, is gut grub. A salad, edible, dies. Alas!

Oh--a din is an ode? No, it is opera. So listen at sacred dirges, Ira.

All eyes online pop as deer beg a bra grab. So rent a hotel. Avoid a remote Italian spa. Can an able man erase a crime no dark oration may assuage? Diodes retune my revered nerd. I gag. Enid, I won't riddle his turret laser.

I wed; a cradle I free. Never can a woman excite mere volcanos alive to gassy labor! I tug all its tube garb. Muffins I set; I bleed! No pariah, no evil: I say not, "I am lesser"! Go, eraser, go! A lone sumac I lob.

My [SOS!] Milan rut confided, Deb, men I ban! I panic: I'm on orgasm row! Revile lurid nadir rot! Sit in my hymnal case; mime us. Stunned, I am dumb; an illicit cad idyll is a partner.

Is all a tacit song? A dog sits. Rifles sever us, nun. Am I too hot to hoot, Ima?

Piss, Tod: Eureka! Trap, Enid. Nadia, Dee feud. No fan, I toll a bell. I, arbitrator, rub no one. No gin or a camera: we bar bedlam in a one-item deli. We care, Bill, Lew! Dirt upsets; attune. So, Ito won a tuna salad award, eh? Pen a pope tome. Draw a red nihil; in slang: I snub roll or yaw.

A nurse in Reno taps Dee's evil duo: Freon and pot! So, cold nadir aerosol issued a minor tan warning. Is Eden a bad nap? So do deliver us! Are Dee, Nero glad? I assume so.

Al nixes Eva's mood to nod. Eve won. Eva, Ellis, so frolic nets a tonsil! I--Hindu?

Be so red, insane my cage lore, zero symbols all, etc.

I renege, Romeo! We nod; I depart. A trap is set. Olaf, food, if sin, is a trap. Emil, bus. Sip, Ma.

Can gas allow a nastier, if anise-laden odor? Pa's (ah!) gases? Oh--was Lester fed? Al, base sugar a stew, beds a gal, Ewan. Deem a log a tie vigil, Ed. Eva, he wets at noon. Draw, Otto. He lit a lover I fan, O balsa pal!

So, Greg; rub, ask, commit no sin. Even I desire women (as leader, foe)! Diva, tides turn: I star in it! Ram a piston rod as straw. Eva has leaves in nets. Evolve, bees!

Dee, I loot. Ma, I deliver star anise. Nola, I rob, alone, lucid. I reward nastier iterative evils. Aware of nine yachts, I dog a magnate. Niftier answer: B.A., barge in, reap! Maid, I pass up my lost ID.

Ella, taxed, naps. And Ella sees, asleep, a toe divination. Evil! Rip a tarot code disk!

Cabarets of roe of marlins I'd log. Dine on reviled sun gods' risotto, dire. Ponder flat figs, a dime sub as a recipe.

O! Get a canoe. Grog, Nero, does net nil: a rut, an evil, a foe raw as God. Hog nits, Ruby, beg a yam god to hasten onward.

Nod; nab a sir, I warn. I now stop: Stay, Liz, all lewd.

Mel Gibson giving direction for "The Passion of the Christ":

NAIL A TIE TO ME.  EMOTE ITALIAN.

On the Middle East, Western decadence and bioterror:

OIL, OPEC INFO TO PASTE:

"GEHENNA IS PEPSI!"

ANNE, HE GETS A POT OF NICE POLIO.

On corporate America trying to drive Native Americans to urban areas for mineral rights:

ON PAR, CEO

WE RID, LOYAL

LAST FIGHT

I WIN

("I" SYMBOLIC)

I LOB MY SIN

I WITH GIFTS ALLAY OLD IRE, WOE

CRAP, NO!

Suicide note left one lonely Japanese night:

TIA,

WITH GIN FITS ALL WARPS:

DIRT UPON A BRUTAL FOE, MACABRE PUS!

OSAKA--SO SUPERB A CAMEO:

FLAT, URBAN,

O PUTRID SPRAWL...

LAST IF...

NIGHT...

I WAIT....

The most difficult palindrome was this:

"Emus," said Al Gore, "need erasure!  Vile dodos!  Panda bane, design in raw natron, I made us silos, ore--arid and loco!" So, cold nadir aerosol issued a minor tan warning.  Is Eden a bad nap?  So DO deliver us!  Are Dee, Nero glad, I assume?

("Natron" is a funerary salt used by the ancient Egyptians to mummify bodies.  "Nadir" refers to the lowest point, here of the world, the antithesis of "zenith"--Antarctica, and the "Ozone Hole.")

ODE TO A MITE IN AMBER (NOT a palindrome)

Now might a mite, so long entombed, now bathed in light, and thus exhumed, show its uniqueness and reveal a certain meekness, but with zeal, a fossil true--yet not a shell--now seen anew, its story tell? O fair arachnid, I confess, I marvel at your tininess, and dream of ages long ago when you would wander to and fro. So now I close with just one thought: all that you were, well, I am not.

Copyright © 2010 by C. Guy La Fortune